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Archive for September, 2005


Moral of the Story…

Teacher tells the class to have their parents tell them a family story that contains a moral. Next day litte Johnny is in class when the teacher calls on him to tell his story. Well he says, Dad told me his brother, Uncle Doug was in the Gulf War. One day on a mission, their plane was shot down. Uncle Doug had a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a knife with him. As the plane fell, Uncle Doug drank the whiskey to brace his nerves.
As luck would have it, the plane crashed in the middle of 20 enemy troops and Uncle Doug was the only survivor. He shot 16 of them before running out of bullets, stabbed another 3 before the blade snapped off the knife, and killed the last enemy with his bare hands.
Horrified, the teacher said..what could the moral to that story possibly be? With a grin, little Johnny answered….don’t fuck with Uncle Doug when hes drinking.


Soda Secrets Revealed

I thought that this was really interesting. I have been tapping the top of my cans for years and come to find out I am completely wrong. Hit this link and watch the video. It’s safe for those of you at work too!


Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, as long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, we should talkabout sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zippedup to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to
bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.


I just like plenty of others was attracted to one of those now annoying adds about 6 years ago. For one reason or another I kept recieving their e-mails and never blocked them as spam. Shit they would even convince me from time to time to actually go and update my personal data. Why…..I really don’t know. I guess I wanted someone to contact me. Today in my mailbox I had a letter from Classmates saying that I had a message in my message center. Quite honestly I thought it was going to be just yet another slick marketing ploy to get to their site and realize that I wouldn’t be able to see the message until I payed for a subscription. I speculated that even if I payed it would probably be some sort of spam crap to really make me feel like I got taken. However much to my suprise the mailbox had a real message and it didn’t cost me anything but 6 years of periodically going to thier website. Considering that the e-mail was from a good buddy I served in the Army with I think it was well worth it. So here is my official plug for Classmates… Try it….it might pay off someday…lol BTW: I’m looking forward to hearing from the buddy



I don’t think I can move into the new house. With this connection to the internet I am ready to live here until the bandwidth is better elsewhere. This is amazing. I maxed out a friend of mines download speed who has Comcast and still had room for a 6 ping on some BF2 servers. I am purely amazed how fast this connection is to the internet. If connections like this become this become the norm there are a lot of untapped cash cows to be discoverd.



Today I am officially a Surewest customer. The phone and TV work great…however the 20up and down internet service still hasn’t turned on. When the installer was here I had to install a new Cat5 cable from the side of my house to where my router and patch panel is. That was a chore to be up in the attic trying to wall fish a line really quickly while he was finishing up some other parts of the install. I did get the line installed in time and we hooked everything up. He then told me that he could hook it up to one computer then I would have to call later to get the router set up. So I told him to just give them the MAC address on my router instead of the MAC address on my computer. This is where I thought I would be saving myself time. This is also where I learned a valuable lesson. Apparently the MAC address that I pointed out to him (the one on the sticker on the bottom of the router) was not the right address. It was the MAC address of the internal Local Area Netork portion of the router, not the Wide Area Network portion that I thought I was giving him. So the internet wouldn’t start because it’s not pointing to the correct MAC address. Nor can they change the incorrect one until the original request he made during the install goes through all these other steps/departments. So basically I’m stuck until probably tommorrow. That really sux! Because more then any of the other services the only one I cared about was the internet. I am fortunate that my Comcast doesn’t stop until the 9th, so I have 2 days to get this resolved. I’ll let you all know the rest of my story once this problem is resolved. The moral of the story is log into your router to check what the MAC address is on WAN port rather then trusting the sticker on the bottom!